As some of you may recall, back in January, I set some ambitious goals for myself. I wanted to read 60 books (check mark on that one already!). I wanted to read 12 books by POC authors or with POC characters (another check mark!). I wanted to read 12 books by LGBTQ+ authors or with LGBTQ+ characters (almost there…). I wanted to read 12 nonfiction books, with 6 of those being self help books. And here’s where I’m struggling.
As of writing this post, I am over halfway through Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. The book was published earlier this year, and I’ve been on the wait list at the library for it since April, which is a record for me. I never have to wait that long at the library. When I posted on Instagram that I was reading this book, I had people coming out of the woodwork saying how much they enjoyed it. People wanted to have conversations with me about it, they wanted to recommend certain chapters, they praised and praised it.
I’m not saying they are wrong. But… maybe I am?
The Self-Help Books I’ve Read (And Why They Sucked for Me)
My first personal development book I read this year was You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. I enjoyed it; I found some value in it. Heck, I even took the next step with this blog because of it. But there was a lot in the book that I didn’t like. Like the way it contended that your life sucks because you think it sucks. Which…sure. Maybe. But also, sucky lives happen to positive people.
And here’s where Girl, Wash Your Face and so many other self-help books come into play. They push the idea that if you aren’t visualizing it, if you aren’t thinking positively enough, if you aren’t *doing all the things*, that, SISTER, is why you aren’t reaching your goals. (And you are always their sister or a member of their “tribe”…)
And (don’t be alarmed) you absolutely must also have BIG GOALS. You can’t be content in your life the way it is now. You must have BIG GOALS that you haven’t been achieving, and the key to achieving them is to look past whatever lies you’ve told yourself, think positively, and pull yourself up by your bootstraps…
Problematic.
So Why Read Them?
The best personal development book that I read so far this year was The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Why? Because it was about finding contentment with where you are at. It’s not about striving to be better. It’s not about pushing past rejection and pain and sucky relationship to become a CEO or publish a book or write a script or get a promotion. Sure, those things may make you happier, but in the end, happiness comes from within. And that’s where the other books got it wrong.
First, they all assume that you are a certain type of person, and, then, try to teach you how to not be that person. The problematic language and “lessons” dripping with privilege are for another blog post another day…
Don’t get me wrong — they aren’t all bad. There have been at least two or three chapters in each of these books that has led to me to say YESSS and make a commitment to change my life. And, hell, Girl, Wash Your Face even convinced me that I need to take these commitments seriously (which is the only thing I’ve gotten out of the book). But overall? I probably could have read the author’s blog posts and gotten the same effect.
What Now?
My goals, when I set them back in January, were to help me find quiet and peace and belonging in the world I exist in, not to break out of this world and find something new. I wanted to find a way to appreciate the things I have, release myself from inner judgement and criticism, and be content in just being. The Happiness Project did a better job of this, and there are a few more books on my list that I hope will help me get closer towards that serenity.
So I may abandon my goal. Or I may just read more into the books I choose before I start them.
At least I know now to avoid books where the author wants me to be part of her “girl gang”.
Did I get it wrong? Do you have any recommendations for personal development books that are worth reading?
